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Queries for Cundo: beta test 1

Friday 20th of January 2006

Often times in my life when I have a existential question I reach for my mobile phone and leave a message on the same answering machine I have been calling for five years now. Locked away in a building in downtown Los Angeles where no one lives anymore but people visit and work once in a while. At some point I will get a call back that has brilliant answers to my conumdrums and now the source of the solace has agreed to make himself available to the rest of the world. My dears, I present Cundo. Iím not sure what he does to keep his head above water but he is rumored to have been involved with various projects, the only ones heís formally admitted to being the Nasty Skins and Wrangler Brutes. As Iím sure youíve got lots of queries for him too, feel free to hit him up at queriesforcundo@simplesocialgraces.com and youíll surely get a reply in the next 5 years.



Dear Cundo,

When I was in the 8th grade I was super into black culture and told some of my friends that I was actually black even though I am like the most totally euro mutt whitey there is. I ACTUALLY TOLD PEOPLE THAT I WAS AN 8TH BLACK ON MY GRANDPA'S SIDE, which is even more twisted since grandpa was kind of racist, but maybe that was my revenge on him for being that way. So anyways, what the hell is this about? I gave it up after a while but what was even funnier was that when I was in college and had long dark curly hair, one of my friends mom's (who was black too, actually married to a very well known former chairman of the house armed services committee from Oakland in the late 80's and early '90s and chairman of the congressional black caucus) asked me if I was black! What a moment of pride. I could pass!! And I wasn't even trying.

So anyways, what the hell does this mean? Is it more jungian than freudian?

Love,

Molly



Dear Miss Neuman,

I think that your situation can neither be classified as Jungian nor Freudian. A more accurate formularization might be that it is Condoleezzian in the ripest sense of the word.

Did you know that as our current Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice is considered the highest ranked member of the U.S. Afristocracy! This aspiring pianist was born in Birmingham, Alabama in 1954. By age 19 she had graduated (B.A.) from the University of Denver with a political science degree. Later on, after she had worked furthering the goals of the Chevron Corporation, Chevron decided to name an oil tanker after her, the "Condoleezza Rice." Later still, when Bill O' Reilly asked if it hurt her feelings that people thought she was a sell out, she replied,"Why would I worry about something like that? Bill, the fact of the matter is, I've been black all my life. Nobody needs to help me how to be black."

So you see Miss Neuman, we all have "to pass" for something at some point in our lives. You passed for black, I pass for Mexican, and "The DaVinci Code" passes for literature. Now if we could only get this dongocracy to pass for a democracy, we'd all be in much better shape...

Cundo




Dear Cundo,


You seem to have it hard sometimes. Who do you relate to more, Harriet Meiers or Colin Powell and why?


Truly curious,


Genevieve



Dear Genevieve,

Although I'm more physically attracted to Miss Miers, lately I have been feeling more on the Colin Powell tip. Not only is this man unemployed, but he is hated in every region of the globe. And as if this wasn't bad enough, he has been cursed with a phonetically stinky name.

Thanks for asking.

Cundo

Post Script 13 Days later (Oct. 28)
Okay....I take it back...I am more Miers than Powell...Capital Dongishment!!!




Dear Cundo,

I'm a 17 year old boy and I want to get into music. I heard there is a youth movement in southern California that seems really positive and exciting and punk. They wear hoods that harken back to some Spanish metaphysical movement or something? Do you know about anything like this I can check out?

Sincerely,

Ernesto



Dear Ernesto,

There IS a new youth movement that's sweeping the SoCal area and it's called The Silver Ring Thing. Check it our here: http://www.silverringthing.com/stages.html

And remeber to thank your parents because this program is FEDERALLY FUNDED!!!!

Keep it in your pants,

Cundo




Simple Social Graces